You Can Write Through the Pain

“I cried out to God for help; I cried out to God to hear me. When I was in distress, I sought the Lord…” –Psalm 77:1-2 (NIV)

Have you ever felt that God has forgotten you? You’re not alone. There have been times in my life when I have felt so empty and alone, I have cried out for my Lord to bring me home. I was in so much emotional pain, I didn’t want to live.

Pain can bring us to our knees in prayer or it can keep us from overcoming those things God wants to use to help us grow. For me, it began with the end of my 28-year marriage in 2001. Journaling through the pain eventually helped me to release the negative emotions associated with the loss—anger, bitterness and unforgiveness.

Before my divorce, my baggage was so heavy I suffered from physical afflictions as well as other health issues. Let me explain. Did you know that when you carry around your past hurts, or allow stress to rule your life, it affects you physically? This is called the mind-body connection. Your body responds to the way you think, feel and act. When you are stressed, anxious or upset, your body tries to tell you something isn’t right. Poor emotional health can also weaken your body’s immune system, making you more susceptible to colds and other infections during emotionally difficult times.

For many years, my internal baggage affected my body in many ways. A stress-filled marriage and poor self-image led to frequent back pain, a stiff neck and an upset stomach. However, it wasn’t until my 2002 breast cancer diagnosis that I learned about this important connection. Part of my optional treatment plan involved counseling sessions at Cancer Treatment Centers of America where I learned about this important mind-body issue.

Proverbs 23:7 says, “For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.” Putting my thoughts on paper in the form of a letter to the Lord is one of the best ways I have found to let go of stress, past hurts and all my worries.

When Hollywood writer Misty Taggert learned that her husband had been diagnosed with Stage 4 neck and tongue cancer, she was confused and angry with God. She couldn’t understand why God would let this happen. Then, she remembered how much writing meant to her and she began to use her fountain pen to connect with the pain.

In Write Where it Hurts, Jo Ann Fore explains: “As Misty writes, it draws everything together for her. The pain flows from her brain and heart, trickles down into her arm, through the pen and onto the paper. An art form, for her, that offers a direct connection to God.

Misty says, “There’s something wonderful about connecting what’s going on in your mind and taking it to the paper to make it real. When I pray verbally, my mind wanders. I know it’s not supposed to—but it does. I have a hard time staying focused. I found if I write to God, instead, I stay focused.”

Prayer journaling can help you stay focused on Him instead of your problems. Try journaling your struggles to God today.

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God Lives Under My Bed

Jesus said, Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” Matthew 19:14 (NIV)

I wanted to share the following story. I don’t know who wrote it but I have read it more than once when a friend has emailed it to me. Thank you Kevin’s brother for sharing it with others. We could all learn a lesson from the Kevin’s in the world. Don’t you agree? If this story touched you like it has me, please click on the comments link after this entry and share this post with others who need to know Kevin.

I envy Kevin. My brother, Kevin, thinks God lives under his bed. At least that’s what I heard him say one night. He was praying aloud in his dark bedroom, and I stopped to listen, “Are you there, God?” he said. “Where are you? Oh, I see. Under the bed.”

I giggled softly and tiptoed off to my own room. Kevin’s unique  perspectives are often a source of amusement. But that night something  else lingered long after the humor. I realized for the first time the very different world Kevin lives in. He was born 30 years ago, mentally disabled as a result of difficulties during labor. Apart from his size, (he’s 6 foot 2 inches), there are few ways in which he is an adult. He reasons and communicates with the capabilities of a 7-year-old, and he always will. He will probably always believe that God lives under his bed, that Santa Claus is the one who fills the space under our tree every Christmas and that airplanes stay up in the sky because angels carry them.

I remember wondering if Kevin realizes he is different. Is he ever dissatisfied with his monotonous life?  He’s up before dawn each day, off to work at a workshop for the disabled, home to walk our Cocker Spaniel, return to eat his favorite macaroni-and-cheese for dinner and later to bed.The only variation in the entire scheme is laundry, when he hovers excitedly over the washing machine like a mother with her newborn child. He does not seem dissatisfied.

He lopes out to the bus every morning at 7:05, eager for a day of simple work.  He wrings his hands excitedly while the water boils on the stove  before dinner, and he stays up late twice a week to gather our dirty laundry for his next day’s laundry chores.

And Saturdays – oh, the bliss of Saturdays! That’s the day my Dad takes Kevin to the airport to have a soft drink, watch the planes land, and speculate loudly on the destination of each passenger inside. “That one’s goin’ to Chi-car-go!”  Kevin shouts as he claps his hands. His anticipation is so great he can hardly sleep on Friday nights.

And so goes his world of daily rituals and weekend field trips. He doesn’t know what it means to be discontent. His life is simple. He will never know the entanglements of wealth of power, and he does not care what brand of clothing he wears or what kind of food he eats. His needs have always been met, and he never worries that one day they may not be.

His hands are diligent. Kevin is never as happy as when he is working. When he unloads the dishwasher or vacuums the carpet, his heart is completely in it. He does not shrink from a job when it is begun, and he does not leave a job until it is finished. But when his tasks are done, Kevin knows how to relax. He is not obsessed with his work or the work of others. His heart is pure. He still believes everyone tells the truth, promises must be kept, and when you are wrong, you apologize instead of argue.

Free from pride and unconcerned with appearances, Kevin is not afraid to cry when he is hurt, angry or sorry. He is always transparent, always sincere. And he trusts God. Not confined by intellectual reasoning, when he comes to the Lord, he comes as a child. Kevin seems to know God—to really be friends with Him in a way that is difficult for an “educated” person to grasp. God seems like his closest companion.

In my moments of doubt and frustrations with my beliefs, I envy the security Kevin has in his simple faith. It is then I am most willing to admit that he has some divine knowledge that rises above my mortal questions. It is then I realize that perhaps he is not the one with the handicap.

I am. My obligations, my fear, my pride, my circumstances—they all become disabilities when I do not trust them to God’s care. Who knows if Kevin comprehends things I can never learn? After all, he has spent his whole life in that kind of innocence, praying after dark and soaking up the goodness and love of God. And one day, when the mysteries of heaven are opened, and we are all amazed at how close God really is to our hearts, I’ll realize that God heard the simple prayers of a boy who believed that God lived under his bed.

Kevin won’t be surprised at all!

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